T'Keyah celebrated her 12th birthday on Sunday....12 years! It's hard to believe in someways that she's that old! She stayed over at grandmas on the Saturday night, wanted to be the first one to stay at the new house, so I went over to pick her up and took her into town for a mini shopping spree...sheesh, that girl can shop! But she got some great clothes. On Tuesday, we went in and got her ears pierced again...most impressed with the Trenz place, clean, sanitised, very professional!! (though I suppose they have to be now)

Molly is being watched by a clinical psycologist, god that sounds scarey! She's been to see her at speech and at kindy, and will be coming to the house next week. I'm sure she's the key in Molly's diagnosis, considering the paediatrican didn't want to say either way. Still scares the crap out of me....there is so much of me that just wants her to be a perfectly normal little girl.

We've got boogers for Africa...Molly has a tap for a nose right now, I seriously can't wait for this cold to be over...Bleh!! Yucky cough to boot too, poor pumpkin. I kept her home on Monday, from speech class & Kindy, Tuesday we had an early appointment at the hospital to see the clinical psychologist, which went well...she's making arrangements to see Molly at home, in speech, and at Kindy...so hopefully we're on our way to making some progress! Tuesday afternoon, we got to Kindy, she picked out her name, put it on the fridge and lunchbox on the trolley...took off to play & and then decided that she didn't want to be there (sheesh!)

Today is coffee group, which is great...I love seeing Molly with the boys, and she's keen to check out J's thomas set! It's nice to have great friends in my life - there was a time that they weren't there (twice actually) but I'm glad that I have them now.

I NEED a scrapbook room...I'm so tired of the mess and clutter and lack of space that I have in my corner...I NEED this jerk to let us know about the house...I NEED to know NOW!! I have a room in my head, I really should start writing things down so that I remember what I want!! I've told Craig most things, but his memory is shocking, so I won't hold him to remembering diddley!!
OOOOhh, and on the scrapbooking topic, I went out to mosgiel yesterday to check out the new shop, The Crafty Mrs....gorgeous gorgeous stuff, and it's stuff Elena doesn't have in town, so I dont' feel bad buying it LOL - but The Crafty Mrs does have the bazzill for slightly cheaper AND different colours. Got some gorgeous stuff AND AND across the road I got a new 12x12 cutter - the purple one for $24.95! Bargin of the week, considering they range from $34.95 - $50 in town!! (egads!!)
Righto - I'm off, need to get Molly some breaky, have a shower, put dinner in the crockpot and vacuum the floor before noon....I'm sure that can be done!

Oh, and we're moving mum in this weekend, brand new house (brother on the other end too - but I ain't helping them move - they've never once helped me - so tough noogies!)

Today is gorgeous - the sun is shining, blue sky (wind is a fraction cool though) Just had coffee group here, the boys arrive in sweatshirts, jackets and hats and leave in singlets! LOL - The sun streams in the lounge and it's rather hot. Molly is watching the wiggles, space dancing again - I swear I could chuck that video, but it's a sanity saver, and she loves it soooooo much!
We've finally got an appointment for the clinical psychologist - next week, I'm kinda nervous about it all though, it's like the last avenue for Molly - I guess a diagnosis is the next step. I grieve in many different ways for my girl, and each hurdle we come to and eventually get over, I grieve a little more - and I guess that after next week, it'll be time to grieve again. I'm sad for the girl I didn't get, the girlie girl who would be playing dolls, having little conversations with me, loving chatting with her peers, playing dolls, house, dress-ups - the girl that may never talk, never achieve great things, may never be able to move out of home and become completely independant - it scares the living crap out of me at times...and for the most part I feel that I'm meant to just suck it up and deal with it...and most days I can do this, but there are those dark times that I just cry and feel sorry for myself.
I heard that a wee boy that we'd been to music group with died over the weekend. I actually went to school with his dad, and he remembered me and spoke with me too! (I didn't know if he would - I was a bit of a bitch at school) Wee Asher was so gorgeous, blond spikey hair, and the cutest little glasses - a real wee stunner of a boy. He had cerebal palsy quite badly and apparently vomited and choked on it, he had only just turned 4 in March...my heart goes out to his parents and to wee Asher - I like to think that he's in a great place, free from the restrictions he had in this life...Rest in Peace Asher, by the sounds of it, you were much loved and will be dearly missed by many people.

It's been a few days - and right now I have a thumping headache and really can't think straight - will come back and update later

It's Friday <<>> my house is quiet, albiet the tv, and the dog rolling on the floor. Molly is in bed, T'Keyah is off at her Dad's until Sunday, and Craigs gone out...it's just mememe! I'm trying to pack some things for Scrap Saturday - don't really know how much I'll get done, more of a social outing I think! Carol will have her new little bubba there, so I will probably get distracted! Might do some more christmas cards, or other cards, least that way I don't need the computer for journalling!
ARGH - I'm trying to play a game online, and the blinken thing won't download, why do little things irritate me so much!?
Seems to me that each week I go grocery shopping the bill gets higher and higher!
I'm reading the trade-me message boards and there is a auction for a bubble wrap puppy (see picture, which is mighty cute!) me thinks some people have way too much time on their hands!

Ugh, it's still cold, the wind is absolutely bitter. The girls are home, both had good days, T'Keyah's probably could have been better, another argument with girl at school. Molly had a great time at Kindy. Me...I went to the library, and it was great to be able to check out books without a certain little person pestering me (and the rest of the library)
I'm so pre-menstrual it's not funny - so dinner tonight will be very basic - I just don't have the energy nor the patience....oh joy...see that's one HUGE advantage of being pregnant....NO period!
I've got some clothing listed on trade me - there are a pair of T'Keyah's old pj's, saddle club ones, which are at $12.50 already! They're only pyjamas!!
Meh, it's cold, I'm going to have to light the fire, which means getting wood, which means going outside, which means getting up! eeeww...

house hunting bites

what bites even more is that it's still only a rental we're looking for (yup, another week where we didn't win the big one) Why is it that landlords charge like a wounded bull for something that really needs to be condemed?? Seriously, all I want is a three (maybe 4, an office even) bedrooms, open plan living, sun in that open plan living, a woodburner, a nice flat section for my kids to burn off energy and close to school, so I don't have to haul my fat arse out everyday to take T'Keyah to school. OH and somewhere where we can have our poochie. Every second (nearly all actually) ad states, NO PETS/NO DOGS...while I can agree that some dogs do create problems, our poofy little mutt does nothing, he barks yes, but I soon end that with the water bottle and he goes into time out (dog cage -LOL)

I mean, looking at him, he looks harmless - doesn't he??

Molly had her boyfriends visit today, Philina & Amanda brought the boys over for a visit - Craig and Brandon were leaving as they arrive - poor Brandon nearly pooped himself with all the kids, not that there seems many now that I'm so used to them...we had Arie, Zak, Jahman, Noah & Molly - lucky girl, all the boys are cute too!! (Jake's at school now!)

ugh, wednesday, messy day - T'Keyah has marching at 6pm until 7.30pm - we'll just have easy dinner I hate cooking when I'm in and out like I dont' know what. Craig probably hates wednesdays, doesn't get a decent meal!!

Blah, suppose I should get motivated and go tidy something.

double brr

It's so freakin' cold here today. And I don't think there is any wood left inside, and I'm too lazy and cold to be bothered to go outside to get some - how bad is that!!
I finally put a name other than 'jacks mum' to a lady at kindy today, is that a common occurence, knowing a person by their childs name?! She is a neat lady - so together and neat to talk to - and has the most adorable wee boys!
Molly was almost last to leave today, too busy playing with the dolls house - mind you it was much warmer inside and I wasn't really in a hurry to leave.
Bah - I'm going to have to get wood.

rain!

ugh...raining today, shouldn't really complain though, we've had such a great run with the weather, but it does dampen the spirits. I've started scrapping again - and this weekend I'm off to an all day crop on Saturday, and I feel NO guilt about leaving Craig with Molly. The past two weekends he's gotten of very lightly with looking out for her. I'm really looking forward to it, Carol will be there with her new wee man...will have to have a hold (scarey - I'm getting baby fever!!) Hopefully I'll get some scrapping done too - seem to be in a really bad block! Will have to go get some photos done - ooooh I'll get to scrap the photos from our new camera! yay.
I'm trying to look up a book on the library website (page won't load) - I need to find new strategies to get T'Keyah into a better place - she's such a moody sap right now, and yeah, while most of it is hormones, I'm not excusing her behaviour because of it...she needs to remember that I'm the grown-up! Hopefully it'll be in, and I can go pick it up this afternoon while the mops monster is at kindy.

pictures

Let's try and see if I can upload some pictures....well so far there is a little red x in the corner....who knows what'll happen when I publish the page, guess we'll find out soon...it's all a learning process.
Molly doesn't speak, so this blog will probably be a lot of release for me venting my frustrations and anger over everything...short history on Molly
Molly is great...she was born on the 7th of February, 2002 on her due date no less! We had planned a water birth with our midwife Judy (Clark - who is the best!) and we did have that birth too! Molly was born after a 3 hour labour into the pool, and she just floated into the world. 7lb 12oz perfection.She progressed normally, text book infact...babbled on cue, said mama and dada at seven months and was such a wee delight. Nine months she got up from a sleep, and I popped her on the floor as usual and went to get her a snack and drink...I noticed that her left arm was just hanging by her side, and kinda thought perhaps she had pins and needles and it would come right...well after about 30 minutes it was still hanging and she wouldn't use it to take things off me. So I called the doctor and was told to bring her up - we were seen and were sent down to the emergency room with a letter (which of course I opened and read) saying that the Doctor was sending Molly down with a "Query CVA" - a stroke!? My precious girl has had a stroke??!!! I knew I wouldn't be able to cope with this alone, so I got Craig from work. We got into childrens PAU - and were greeted by a nurse in the corridor - laughing and saying, oh here comes the baby with the stroke...hahaha, babies don't have strokes. So we sat in that room, with her in one of those iron cots for 5 hours while they did nothing, and we listened to a kid puking it's guts out opposite us. Eventually, after going home and picking T'Keyah up and clothes for Molly and food, plus adult clothing just incase they'd admit Molly, they discharged us (would have been nice to have found that out BEFORE I drove across town!!) So nothing was done....She did regain movement, though a few people have commented that she seems to have a weakness on the left side. She didn't walk until 21 months, and now at 3.5years isn't talking...The "professionals" seem to think she's autistic, but then someone else comes along and doubts that she is....so we are still waiting to see whats up with her...FRUSTRATING FOR EVERYONE.
She is making great progress though, but that I suppose, is in my eyes. We arent' getting my positive feedback on the progress she is making...I honestly wish the medical system would pull their socks up about how they treat cases. The holistic view isn't there....now we were taught this at nursing- and to be frank (or william) I haven't seen much of it in regards to our care with Mops. I know they deal with these diseases/conditions every day BUT parents don't. And as a parent to be told that your child isn't normal is an earth shattering thing!! Your whole life seems to be ripped out from under you. Expectations have changed.

me

Will this be about me me me?? More than likely, with a bit of the kids thrown in (well probably a LOT of the kids) and a fair bit of whinging I expect!
I only have 9 minutes left until I have to go get Molly from Kindy - I'm so pleased that the girl loves kindy again...I love it for different reasons, mainly 2 hours where I can enjoy silence!

I'll come back, and explore here more - and add more about us